Quilt Blocks for Swap

I did some blocks for swap that I'm doing on Get Crafty. I did some black and white ones. I have to admit that I did the black and white ones because I have a cutting issue. I can't cut some fabric. It's a sickness, I know. But I look at the fabric and just can't cut into it. It needs to age properly. I know I'm not the only one with this affliction - I've discussed it with some friends on my favorite forum, Bad Girls of Sewing. Anyway, here are the black and white ones. I'll post the other ones later.

Things

Is everything okay? That depends on when you ask. Last week things were not okay. I was having issues.

I know that it's stupid, and I'm trying not to, but I feel all of the same old inadequacies that I felt in high school. They hate me, I'm stupid, I'm ugly, they don't want to be my friend. Good God! I'm 43, and I guarantee that they're more interested in their life than in mine (unless I can do something to give them something to talk about), but I just don't know how to keep those feelings from arising. I'm sure that once I meet some more people I'll feel better. But in the meantime, it's very trying to live with those stupid voices in your head.

I've been spending time with a lady that I went to high school with but didn't really know - and she knows tons of people. I have to be careful because she's a little bitter (having teenage daughter issues) - but she also moved back here after living in Michigan for 10 years. So, I'm doing the right things, I just have to give it more time. You know, it's funny, if I'd moved to a place where I didn't know anyone, I'd not really be having a problem. I've done that enough times. But, it's just moving back here - brings up the old icky feelings. I'll get over it - but in the meantime it can be very trying.

Plus, again (broken record here) - we haven't sold our house in CO - and it weighs heavy on the mind. I watch the money go out - and not as much come in. I hate that we had to lower our price so much on our house - that extra money would have been nice. But, the kids are healthy, relatively happy, and doing okay.

Tessa made "Student of the Trimester." I got Carra into some gymnastic classes (finally). I want Wyatt to make a friend that he does stuff with - but no go so far. Dan wants him to get into some sport, but Wyatt wants to stay in art. Teenagers are such challenges.

Dan had a Board of Trustees dinner that we went to. It's always interesting meeting those people. I thought that I wouldn't be able to make it before it came up. Again, those feelings of inadequacy - but it turned out to be fine.

Then he had a lunch with his employees - one that I was expected to show up to. It was okay - but I feel like I'm not "corporate" enough. His secretary is really a piece of work. But he seems to be doing well and is well liked - so that's what's important. Well, he loves his job - that's even more important.

So, do you notice a theme? Lack of self-esteem.

Angst

Michelle
Dan just left to do back east until Wed. Damn, I hate when he has to be gone for the weekend.

Things are okay, they're better now than they were. I had a tough time when our cabin sold. I woke up a couple of times from dreams in which I was sobbing. It's just the emotional attachment and the good times we had there, and the dreams for a future there that will never be realized.

Still haven't sold our house, which still causes great angst. We lowered the price a lot, and are repainting the basement - hopefully that will help. Every month I just look at what's going out and what's coming in, and there's a vast difference.

School is going okay for the kids. We've had to work with Wyatt in English because his grade is a D - and really, it's only a D because he's not doing his work. While he struggles horribly with writing and spelling, he's smart enough to overcome his difficulties, he just will do everything he can so that he doesn't have to. He's so much like me at times. If he only knew how little work I actually did in high school.